3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
