i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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