so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
