We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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