Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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