sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
