Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I think my fart just growled at me.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
