KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
