Taylor Swift is so right about you.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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