I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I just blew my weed a kiss
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
