went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize