im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
