And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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