those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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