i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
