i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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