your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
