Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Blood and glitter go together right?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
