WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize