If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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