You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You can't special order awesome
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
