I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize