you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Randomize
