Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
