I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize