dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I didn't notice because vodka
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
