Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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