he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
