I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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