Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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