I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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