Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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