Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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