By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
