Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
