hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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