dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
