i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize