I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
