I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
