Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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