; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
