Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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