I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
