Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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