About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
