so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize