After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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