yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
