So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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