Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
