where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
