I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
