why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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