To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
