you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
