I saw his package. It spoke to me.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
