Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize