Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
