if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
