Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
