I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
