god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
