I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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