he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
