i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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