why didn't you poke me back
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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