if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Randomize
