He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
