his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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