And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
