she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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