i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
