Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
