Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
