Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
