You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
