It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize