my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
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