He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
