Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
