I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
