I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize