lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
