This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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