This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
